Play Without Purpose or Agenda - The Importance of Non-directed Play
My intention and purpose for coming to the park was to bring my children to ride bikes and possibly attempt to take the training wheels off their bikes. I had a plan. They would have fun riding! (Big tick for my mom-me-meter that measures if I am a good mom.) I got them onto their bikes and off they went, it seemed worth the distance I had carried the bikes to the park. They peddled, they fell, they succeeded, they rode round and round and then it was suddenly over, bikes discarded. I invited them to carry on riding because surely, I had not carried the bikes for such a “brief” excursion. Two little helmet-protected faces looked over at me from the mound of dirt they were exploring and asked to please wait and sit down. On a log. I had clearly not yet really arrived at the park until my children ask me to simply stop directing and sit down. They did not want to ride bikes anymore, they just wanted to PLAY.
My little humans reminded me of an important skill, to sometimes leave plans and agendas away from the park! Actually, they just wanted to play longer and so for the next 90 minutes, I watched them, from that log, explore, go nowhere, and everywhere in their hearts and imagination. The joy and dirt on their faces, were pure childhood. I revelled in the fact that I had been sitting on a log for 90mins, the most still I had been in a long time. In wonder I noted that bicycles were turned upside down and turned into imaginary machines that chopped wood, then plants bits turned the dirt mound into a pretend cooking station while they had the most incredible conversations. They climbed trees, rode bikes many times. There energy shifted into deeper experience when they realised I was embracing my new log world and there was no urgency to leave. I got to really listen and observe them from my vantage point, problem-solving, and working as a team, and then later noticed how they moved on to explore and play in solitude, totally relaxed and unhurried without the pressure to move to the next activity on my un/conscious to-do list.
Give yourself and your child the gift of non-directed play. Play without agenda, purpose, or goal. Witness the benefits of having no plan, while providing enough time for OUR fear of the bored child to dissipate and the inner drive of the playful child to emerge. Non-directed play or as my daughter calls it, “playing and not having to stop” is quickly disappearing in the fast paced life that we live and the ever growing technological interruptions and distractions in this new world is dominating our daily leaving little free time to play. The devices that keep children “busy” to the point of being motionless and stationary are effectively stealing the most valuable opportunities in the natural learning and development of the child. The sad truth is that keeping children occupied so as not to demand or distract is coming at the cost of a loss of childhood, playtime, and even more sadly the ability to even know how to play.
The pressure to entertain children is an ever-growing frustration amongst parents when ironically it is the very boredom that is being avoided that will act as the catalyst to awaken the innate desire to explore, learn and once again be creative. I really got to experience their learning in the truest sense from my log that day. When we offer guidance and create an environment that supports exploration and creativity we allow children to re-ignite their desire and ability to explore and play. The American Academy of Paediatrics (https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/119/1/182/70699/The-Importance-of-Play-in-Promoting-Healthy-Child) documents the benefits of play and notes the far-reaching impact this has on physical, cognitive, and emotional development and its further relationship to healthy brain development.
I invite you to trust your children and their wisdom in reminding us there is an art to slowing down, it takes a little time for our systems to get there but without opportunity, the hamster wheel cannot slow in momentum and come to rest.